Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
