I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So many bounce houses so little time
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
