Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
