what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
