your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
