you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize