Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can't just leave with hair like that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
