Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
