Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
