I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize