Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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