she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
