I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
