I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
