She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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