If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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