Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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