were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
