please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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