literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
