I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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