Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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