you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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