I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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