we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
