I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
