I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
