I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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