Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
