I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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