i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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