Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize