you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
