So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
