I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
