The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
