I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
