I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
