Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
