he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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