Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
