i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
