I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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