i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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