I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
