I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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