Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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