Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
