we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
