well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize