I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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