if only i could text you this smell
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
