The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
