making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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