Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
