Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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