Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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