just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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