Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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