Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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