I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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