i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
