how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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