Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to calm my uterus...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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