Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
