The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
