Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
