what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
