I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
