well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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